There can be no argument that D. H. Lawrence's Son's and Lover's is a study of human
relationships. Gertrude Morel, because of her turbulent and odd relationship with her
husband, ends up developing deep emotional relations with her two eldest son's. The
second eldest in particular, Paul, is the receiver of most of this deep emotion. Because
of these feelings and the deeper-than-usual emotional bond between the two, Paul has
difficulty being comfortable in his own relationships. Paul's relationship with Miriam
is plagued by his mother's disapproval, jealousy, and Miriam 's own spirituality.
Paul's relationship with Miriam is one where the love is not allowed to flourish.
Although there is no doubt that there is love between the two, the forces around them
create tension that suppresses it. Miriam believes herself not nearly as beautiful as she
really is. Because of this she is always looking for things to love her. In the case of
Paul she believes that if Paul was to need her, if she could take care of him, "if he
could depend on her, if she could, as it were, have him in her arms, how she would love
him."(137) However, this is never allowed to happen. Paul's mother Gertrude already
occupies this space in his life. Thus the relationship between the two is a struggle for
an identity. The relationship is a struggle between Paul and his mother and Paul and
Miriam.
The main conflicts between Paul and Miriam are between physical-spiritual differences
and his mother. Miriam holds spirituality very close to her. Thing with Miriam are always
on a very spiritual level. Lawrence showed this sometimes with depiction's of flowers.
Paul has other needs that Miriam herself feels that she could never fulfill. "You make me
feel spiritual and I don't want to be spiritual." (190) Eventually, Miriam introduces
Paul to Clara to hopefully fulfill these needs. Paul's mother is also a major conflict.
Paul's relationship with his mother was very dominating. When Paul compared his two
loves, it caused great tension between the two, he would begin to hate Miriam. This
tension is similar to the tension that caused William to die. Whenever William brought
his lover, Lilly, around his mother, it pained him. He felt the need to belittle her
constantly in comparison to his mother. He knew she did not completely approve of her.
After William's death Paul became his mothers chief emotional outlet, thus Miriam becomes
subject to similar trials as Lilly. Because of these conflicts Paul made Miriam suffer.
Because he made her suffer he despised her.
The main problems that Gertrude has with Miriam is her worth and her family status. When
the eldest son William went out with Lilly Gertrude was not horribly adamant against her.
Then, why should she be against Miriam? Lilly was not as intelligent as Gertrude, Lilly
had no chance of breaking, or coming anywhere close to breaking that bond. Also, William
was already out in the business world. Gertrude wanted her son's to be more successful
than her and William was well on his way. Although I'm sure Gertrude rather preferred
William not married, she wasn't totally anti it. After William died, Paul was all she had
left, Arthur being more like his father. Miriam is on the other hand, intelligent,
spiritual, and willing to learn. Gertrude's worry and disapproval caused Paul to be
unhappy. Also, Gertrude's goal of having her son's do better than her financially and
marry into a respectable families didn't match up to Miriam 's farm life.
The relationship and Miriam 's love grew. There did seem to be a moment when Paul
realized there were two female forces in life. The one of warmth and the one of
inspiration. His mother of course being the one of inspiration. Paul's mother continued
to vent her dislike for Miriam. Dealing with that warmth, some of what Gertrude could not
give him, Paul's physical needs became apparent. Miriam, being as religious as she is,
shudders at the thought of consummating the relationship. This is where Miriam 's endless
love shows through. Miriam introduces Paul to Clara. Miriam loves Paul so much she
sacrifices herself to him. Even though Paul loves Miriam, upon comparing her with his
mother, he hates her. Finally, giving in to his mother, he breaks it off with Miriam. We
get the impression that Miriam waits for Paul forever. It concretely ends when his mother
dies and he leaves to find himself.
Son's and Lover's is a study of human relationships. Paul is the receiver of most of his
mothers deep emotional feelings and has with her a bond tighter than normal. Because of
this Paul has trouble handling and being comfortable with his own relationships. Paul's
relationship with Miriam was plagued by his mother's disapproval. If it wasn't for the
selfishness of his mother Paul would of most likely been happy with Miriam.
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