Intimacy is often defined as arising from a close acquaintance, association, or
familiarity. This definition would definitely describe the relationship I have with my
sister, Catherine. We share just about everything that goes on in our lives and know
each other like the back of our hands. We are so close, in fact, that rarely do we hear
what another is feeling before we already know. We can tell each other's mood by the
body language we are using. I plan to give a brief summary of this relationship and the
intimacy involved in it.
There are many possible reasons why some people are attracted to each other and form
relationships. Some of these reasons are personality, physical looks, intellectual
stimulation, things in common, and differences. My sister and I developed our
relationship differently than the way you would with someone who you just randomly meet
on the street. We shared common parents, household, schedules, and heritage. Therefore,
we were naturally inclined to develop some sort of relationship and intimacy. If we
hadn't, our living conditions would have become understandably tenuous.
The development of relationships and intimacy has some very definitive steps. The first
step is initiating which is making contact with the other person and showing that you are
the kind of person worth talking to. Our relationship was initiated as soon as I was
brought into this world and facilitated by the fact that we were brother and sister. The
next step is experimenting which is deciding whether we want to pursue a relationship
further by using small talk and the like. Since I was unable to talk at the time, my
sister and I dismissed this step. Next comes the step of intensifying when the
expression of feelings become more common. This came quite naturally to the two of us.
People were always asking my sister to show how much she loved me which often led to
hugs, kisses, hand holding, and other common expressions of love people often demonstrate
in a sibling relationship. The next step is integrating which is when we give up
characteristics of our old selves and become different people. This has not happened to
me because this relationship has always been with me. My sister was not always a sister
and definitely changed when I became her brother. Bonding is the next step which is when
the parties make symbolic public gestures to show the world that a relationship exists.
My sister and I have always been very public about our relationship. Next is the
differentiating stage where the parties separate somewhat. We are always going through
this at this point in our relationship. One day we can be the best of friends and the
next day we can be mortal enemies. Circumscribing comes next and is when the level of
communication decreases in quantity and quality. Again, this seems to come and go in our
relationship. The stagnating stage is when the relationship becomes overly familiar and
loses the feeling. We have not hit this. We can always find a new way to keep the
relationship exciting. Avoiding is the stage in which the parties create distance
between one another. We have not reached this stage either. We are still as close as we
have ever been, if not closer. The final stage is terminating which is when the
relationship is declared over. This has not been reached in my relationship. These
stages do not have to be in this order necessarily and some can be skipped altogether.
My sister and I developed our relationship out of necessity. Brothers and sisters often
do this because they share so much in common. Our relationship is sometimes good and
sometimes bad, but it is always solid. It could stand to be a little more positive on
both sides at some points. We share an intellectual and emotional intimacy that most
siblings do. The commonality between the two of us facilitates this.
Relational development and maintenance have some very distinct characteristics. First,
not all relationships move through all ten steps. This has definitely been the case in
my relationship. My sister and I did not have to go through the initiating stage that
most people do, nor have we avoided each other. Intimacy is not the only goal of
relationships. Even though my relationship involved some intimacy this is not always the
reason we are there. Sometimes it is just to reach a common goal. Movement occurs
within stages. Our relationship has definitely progressed through stages even though
sometimes they become blurred. My sister and I experienced the integrating and
intensifying stage at one point and I suspect they occurred around the same time although
two definitive steps. Movement between steps is generally sequential. My relationship
has definitely had a pattern of development to it. Relationships are constantly
changing. Even though we have a solid relationship, my sister and I definitely have our
ups and downs. Movement is always to a new place. We are always trying out new ways of
behaving towards each other and this makes movement mandatory. Sometimes we even go back
a step or two before we return to the point we were before.
The relationship my sister and I share involves a high level of self-disclosure. We are
always intentionally revealing information to one another that is important and would not
always be known. Our breadth is wide as we can discuss anything from sex to politics.
The depth is great because we do not pull any punches. When we are discussing something
we are as personal as you can get. Neither of us hides much and when one does it is
easily caught by the other. Our conversations often include facts, opinions, and
feelings. Lying does not come across good and it is rarely attempted by either of us.
There are many reasons for this self-disclosure but it is mainly "just to get it off of
our chest" or catharsis.
A brother-sister relationship is definitely a unique one as evidenced here. Although it
can reach some of the later and nastier stages, I don't see this as being the case in our
relationship.
|